Hitchhicker's Guide to the Beowulflf Bash
Welcome to the Hitchhicker's Guide to the Beowulf Bash. For those of you who have no idea what this page is or why it is here, please see check here for an explanation. Once you have read the description, go and buy the Hitchhicker's Guide to the Galaxy (the complete set) and read the books. Finally, google Beowulf Bash to get some background on the best party at the annual SC convention. Once you have a firm grasp of both topics, realize they have nothing to do with each other.
Moving on. We have put together a map with directions.
A Kardashian -- one time name of an untalented (Los Angeles, CA, Earth) family who for some unknown reason found a way to broadcast themselves on popular media outlets. It was a short lived phenomena that introduced a new term into many languages; "A Kardashian." The term means something you don't really want, but was forced upon you. e.g. a holiday gift (sweater) from your hipster aunt that you really don't want. An example of proper use would be, "I wanted some sweet cash from my aunt, but I got a kardashian."
The Beowulf Bash -- An odd occurrence on planet Earth. Each year people gather at the annual supercomputing show to see what all the fuss is about. The tradition began when a small group of attendees wanted to talk a bit while drinking beer, eating pretzels, and smoking cigars. They fabricated a story about Beowulf cluster computing to convince someone else to buy the beer. It turns out, these Beowulf type systems were quite good at heating the cold rooms (See: High Performance Heating) being built around the planet. Currently the Beowulf Bash seems to be one of the biggest open events at the show, so the whole beer and pretzel thing kind of worked out.
Top500 Games -- Twice each earth year, 500 tribute machines are selected to be on the Top500 List. The machines attempt to heat a cooled room (See: High Performance Heating) by producing numbers that no one really cares about. The losing machines are then forced to overheat while creating more numbers. The winning machine gets to meet Woody Harrelson.
Shallow Thought -- The largest and fastest computer ever built. It can actually carry on a conversation unlike other AI misfires like Siri or Watson. Can be found here. Just don't say anything about its mother.
High Performance Heating -- A specialized form of Earth bound computing that converts moving electrons to heat (on a large scale). As a side product, some numbers are generated. The need for heat was spawned by the construction of cold air rooms at various locations around the planet. Once heated, these "cold rooms" were warm enough to place other items such as cables, iron centrifuges, and blinking lights. Curiously, many of the cables were stored under the floors or overhead but not in the storage lockers that line the isles of the cold rooms.
Social Media -- An odd epoch in Earth's history. Most notably a web site called "FaceBook" managed to collect personal information from every man, woman, dog, and cat on planet Earth. Regarded as piffle by many experts, the information was eventually used to foist useless products onto users. A predictable backlash occurred and many users just did not "like" the utter collapse of privacy in the world. As a result, new "unsocial media" sites sprang up such as ShoveIt.org, GetLost.com, and PissOff.net. To satisfy unhappy investors and a dwindling user base, Facebook bought something called MySpace.com and ushered in a new generation of "Social Narcissistic Media" by launching MyFace.com. FaceBook then became the first of many "Social Kardashian's."
Supporting Vendors -- Generally nice people who provide the beer and pretzels. They can identified by the following tattoos click to learn more:
This Years Event:
Location: See map or consult Shallow Thought, http://www.clustermonkey.net/shallow-thought (add QR code?)
Date: Monday November, 12, 2012 Time: XXXX (After the Monday Night Gayla) The first XX attendees will get the official SC12 Hitchhikers Guide to the Beowulf Bash towel. There will be a band, aptly named Distaster Area, practice your Gangnam Style. The Restaurant At the End of the Universe will be serving refreshments.
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